The Rising Cost of Education

It was 2 decades ago when I was at the first major crossroad of my life. I was too young to realize the impact it would have on my life to pursue a skilled labor trade over a college degree, but none the less I became a machinist. 10 years past quickly, and I received a one sided degree in precision machining. The cost for my happiness was a decade of mediocrity, for which I received a degree in limited engineering.

My wife's degree was a little more literal, a $150,015.50 picture to hang on the wall. We spent $15.50 for the frame. Her education was more traditional in the sense that she attended college and went to classes. She got away relatively inexpensive compared to the current cost of a college degree. The trade off was well worth it in her case.

Education comes in all forms with all types of costs. Perhaps one of the bigger costs is the realization that we do, in fact, have much to learn about the world and ourselves. You may learn one day, in example, that you should have asked different questions to a potential client at your job. The cost may be the loss of that client, revenues or even your job. None the less, the lesson was learned.

The point is that education is never free. You are always paying some price to learn something. Be it free time, emotional stability or actual money, the lessons you learn each day do not come without a cost. The price of education is on the rise in the world of today. Approach the school of life with an open mind and be prepared to write a hefty check. Personal growth awaits you and is only limited by the size of your mental, spiritual and physical wallet.

Internal Violation

To think you are going insane, is to be lucid. Therefore, I am lucid as these thoughts flow from my pre-frontal cortex. I do often wonder how to stop thinking about something. The very act of forced forgetting is in fact focusing on the issue. I have found that misdirection is the most effective tool once the process has begun. Still, though, there are times I can not stop the process.

The loss of a child, for example, is said to be the most painful emotional experience. There is a time of grieving and general sadness. A some point you must allow these painful thoughts to remove themselves from your life or they will will control you. So how do you force out the thoughts that hurt you?

My own thoughts sometimes violate me. They violently break into my sanity and trespass over my contentment. As if faced with an intruder, I fight back with little success. The struggle is epic. How is it that I can be bullied by my own thoughts? The answer is not clear, but i have enough intuition to make a hypothesis. Guilt, uncertain decisions and past transgressions are the usual suspects.

There is no "do over" button in life. You really can't fight these thoughts. the sub-conscious is telling your consciousness that you have not fully addressed these issues. The real solution is to allow the intruder into your daily complacency. Shake his hand, offer him a drink and ask him what he wants. You aren't getting rid of him until he has what he came for. Now is the time to deal with it. That is all, nothing more.

Deep Roots Of Resentment

I grew up with an old family saying: " Expectation is premeditated resentment". The idea behind this is that when you create expectations, you are planning on resenting that person because they will never live up to your expectation. This saying came from my mothers side, who just happen to leave me at age 3. Naturally its about time to challenge that.

As I sit here thinking about people i have resented over the years, I find that in most cases it is true. There are the rare occasions where this saying does not hold. When you purchase a meal, you are entitled to good service. When you enter a marriage you are entitled to fidelity. When you are wronged, you are entitled to justice. You may choose forgiveness in the later but you get the idea.

Is it wrong to expect these things? I don't think we are planning to resent someone when we walk in the restaurant and end up with horrible service. Eventually tho, our expectation do lead to resentment. Resent has only 2 outcomes, forgiveness or distance. Too many times my solution has been distance because the path of forgiveness is a road difficult to travel.

These days, it seems, I am finding the hard beaten highway of forgiveness to be the more lucrative route. It is the path of least resistance, but it comes at a price. The price is self loathing and resentment of expectations placed upon yourself. I guess mother's words hold true for now. Expectations are premeditated resentment, but she never told me the person I would end up resenting was myself.

Take a Seat, Please.

The jury of our lives are every man woman and child we pass. The judge is the maker of this world we all are part of. I am thankful for this. Though the jury may find us guilty for many offences, our sentence will be handed down to us by a just and fair source. Unknown to the angry mob of our peers are the intentions and things lost in the translation. These trivial matters are of little significance.

The condemned man walks alone. Unrestricted by public opinion, he is essentially free. The scowls of the angry crowd are his applause for a voice of his own. Standing in a circle of his own truth he begins to preach his volatile propaganda. To him it is pure unedited truth. To the mob it is provocation for banishment.

I have been on this jury for many years. I have issued my verdict of disapproval as if I were handing out candy to peculiarly dressed children in the Autumn. The reflection of these verdicts is a blinding reality which comes full circle. It is my turn to take the witness stand. It is time to be judged.

Each time we take a seat in this throne of injustice, we struggle to find comfort. The absence of a fair trial awaits us all. Or does it? For as the carnival of evidence is presented in the case against us, we see each other. Look at me, smile, and charge me with what you will. Soon I will be banished, and again the chair will be available. Take seat.

My Life Feels Incomplete

Complete : 1) having all necessary parts, elements, or steps.

This is your life's ambition isn't it?Some say " You complete me." or " My life is complete.". That is what we all want isn't it? We desire to feel whole, a feeling of complete satisfaction. Before you continue your quest for every void filled, consider the alternative. The incomplete life.

Dare I challenge the logic of every empty unfulfilled soul amongst us? What do you really seek? A new challenge, and ongoing strife and an Endless search for knowledge is what you are destine to find. What makes you complete? Your partner in life? How about your job or your children, do they complete you? They do not, they only present new challenges.

It is the fool who searches for the impossible. It is the masses who are blind, feeling around in the dark for something that does not exist. Pathetic is the rat in the race which can not be won. My heart weeps for you. Your new car, house, wife and child is a piece of a Pandoric puzzle for which you will never have the last piece.

Closed minded and mocking the sane, you will never attain the unattainable. Today you must meditate on your life. Ask the important question

" Do i need to be complete?" and consider that perhaps you have missed the hidden meaning in life. Perhaps you forget that complete is more than being whole....

Complete : 2) brought to an end.

~Enjoy your complete life, I pray for you.

Volatile Containment

There are so many things we are in control of in the world. If the volume of music is painfully loud, you need only to turn the volume to end your misery. Perhaps you wish to arrive at a destination in your own time frame, you can speed up or take a shortcut.
What about your anger, your love and your happiness? Can you control those things?


How do you make someone love you? How do you subside your anger when you are wronged? How do you find happiness in a sobering world of anguish? Where is the switch for that? Where are the shortcuts? There is no master control for you. Life is a series of reactions. From the first time we feel, we react. We must make a conscious choice not to.



Therein lies the delima. It is an action we may desire in actuality but have no control over. The switch is on constantly. Pretty simple simple right? Someone wrongs you, you get angry. We all require Zen like control to contain our emotions. You heard right. Contain.


In anger, in love, and in happiness we are all responsible to contain ourselves. We can not control it, only trap it in an endless cycle that will eventually consume us. It is a sentence of death for our souls. It is the price we pay for others. That is the time to decide the value of another person. I value few people this highly, and for those people I gladly pay my toll.

I am contained.

Emotional Distortion

Recently I have been trying to sort out my feelings. White noise fills my head and makes filtering pure thought near impossible. On rare occasions I manage to clear my emotional distortion and am left with RMS clarity. For those of you who are into equations, you know I am comparing emotional clarity to a measure of the magnitude of a varying quantity. For those of you who are not, think of RMS as Real Mental Stability. The principles are the same. We are looking for the largest amount of truth from an emotional roller coaster.

When You have so much going on in your life. The ability to refine one specific problem seems near impossible. A simpler term for this would be a " Calgon take me away moment". It is here at the most stressful time where we figure out how much we can emotionally endure. Visualize your existence in this distortion and focus on one thing. The less distortion you have, the simpler it is to see and repair the issues of your life.

Practicality urges us to believe the obvious. There are just 2 choices. Reduce the distortion or magnify the problem. Clearly you should never magnify the problem. REDUCE THE DISTORTION. Have you heard the saying " Don't sweat the small stuff?" You have just heard it explained. That is how we reduce our emotional distortion.

RMS defined is Root Mean Square. It's most common use is to determine how loud you can power up your car radio before the speakers start to crackle. How much power can you push before you loose clarity and become distorted? Its time for you to look at yourself. Are your emotions already distorted? If so, reduce the volume and reach for emotional clarity.

Bridge the Gap

Often I have thought that the furthest distance between 2 people can be measured in space and time. It is a gross miscalculation to think that two people touching hands are closer than two people on opposite sides of the world. I have been miles apart from someone and closer to them than a person in the next room. The discovery of this distance is usually abrupt and not without consequence. So what, then, are we to do about this?

An object in motion tends to stay in motion. If you are moving further away from someone you must exert a strong amount force to change this path. This may sound scientific to some, but I assure you it is accurate. The first step to closing the gap begins with you. Recognize your location and redirect your priorities. There is one simple unavoidable thing you must do. You must put yourself in harms way. Course corrections are like little red pills, they are changes in your life that open your mind and make the heart vulnerable.

It has been a curse of mine for may years to keep distance from people. It is self destructive to think " I do not need anyone". You can justify as much as you like, but one day you will long for the comfort of a soul you have sent galaxies away. I know I have done this, and still do this at times. Have purple pills handy when you try to correct your course. You will need them. You will hand them out often.

I do not have all the answers for overcoming great distance. I welcome comments and suggestions. What I do know is that if you find yourself on a plateau alone, you only need to take one step to begin closing the gap. "I'm sorry, I'd like us to be close again" is a good start. You can only put your hand out. The choice to receive your offer is up to the other party. Be prepared for rejection, not everyone sees the value of 2 red pills.

Resurrection of Spirit

It was less than a week ago that I swallowed 2 red pills and looked again into my life's reality. I am never prepared for the images those candies of clarity show me. When my moment of reality was finished I was a shadow of the man I was before. Hope turned to despair. Contentment faded to melancholy. I experienced a reality that seemed to alter my perception of everyone, everything and the world stopped. I do not believe that we have all been there. Fortunately I have.... twice. I know what must be done.

To have a resurrection of spirit it must first die. It is the same with all things concerning personal growth. You must never say "I used to be.." or " I was never the type.." The shedding of your past self for the growth of the new you is a bi-product of red pills. It is rare to experience personal growth without feeling loss. You never lose who you are, you only evolve to who you will be. I most certainly lost something but what I am about to gain is an investment in myself. Though my spirit was murdered, I have faith that it will be restored in a new and glorious way.

I am open to receive the rebirth of my spirit. One must approach the aftermath of destruction with an open mind. It is similar to looking at a room in total disarray and not knowing where to start. Just close your eyes, breathe deeply and start with one thing. Before long the room has changed into something better. Not without effort and confusion, mind you. This is the message i send here.

My reality would crush 75% of you. I have looked it up and this is a statistical fact. Tho you are wondering what this may be, I am only protecting your right to CHOOSE the red pill over the blue one. Your spirit can be crushed and even killed, but it is not lost forever. You can experience a Resurrection of Spirit if you accept your reality and move forward. What follows is personal growth, inner peace and a new you.

Cryogenics of the Soul

As the medicinal effects of our reality is realized, we sometimes find ourselves wanting to reduce the dose. It is possible to preserve our former lives and yet control our own ascension into truth and reality. Your rebirth can be less painful than the unarmed, uneducated souls who came before you. You can accept things easier than you realize. The journey is not painful, the fight is.

Most people have prepared for their journey into truth by using applied cryogenics of the soul. This is to say, placing the preservation of their spirit and heart above their personal growth. Accepting your reality is not only an intelligent choice, it is required to be truly free. This is owning your responsibilities for your failures, shortcomings and general faults. Stop trying to protect yourself from everything that COULD hurt you. This is the fight, and it is the source of your agony.

We are warned through out our lives that there are bad things in the world of the real. We approach each day in full body armor waiting for the assassins to strike us down. Has it not occurred to you that a soul in a cryogenic state can not feel anything? It is indeed protected from pain and malicious attacks but it is protected from every euphoric event as well. Love, friendship, and joy are all lost to a guarded heart. Do not pretend to take the red pill, when you have clearly taken the blue one.

With an unguarded soul you will hear what you need to, when you need to. The words of a friend, lover, stranger or spiritual leader can at last saturate the parts of your soul which need repair. Personal growth can be achieved by becoming vulnerable to your worst nightmares. Chip away the ice from a Cryogenically frozen soul. As it thaws you will begin to feel the effects immediately. This is the path you have chosen. This is the truth you will live.

Pixelated World

Busy busy little bee. It is easy to miss the world around you when a person can not focus on one task at a time. Multitasking is a means to control many things at one time, however I wonder what you must sacrifice in one task to complete another. The more tasks you take on, the more pixelated your world becomes. Caring for a career, a child, an elderly parent and a marriage means something suffers. Who do we pixelate first?

It is time to gain focus. It is time to reduce your workload and give complete attention to something. Pick one, any one and devote 100% of your time to it for a short while. Watch as the resolution of your life improves. Your entire life, you have been told to stay between the lines. Color between the lines. Keep your vehicle within the lines. Follow these strict guidelines. Line up for lunch. Perhaps if you slowed down you would realize that those lines are actually dots or dashes.

I have great concern for those of you who are spread too thin. Giving 100% to ten tasks means you only devote 10% to each one. This is the building block for failure, such as the man who builds his house upon the sand. There, there children of the blue pills... do not feel guilty for your neglect of those things you can not see. I am simply asking you to look at the world around you. Are you living in a pixelated world, or the real world. Slow down, take a deep breath and adjust your screen. Clarity awaits you.

Blue and Red make Purple

If red pills are reality and truth and blue pills are ignorance and lies then purple pills are somewhere between that. There are purple pills. One such pill I am finding hard to swallow now is the purple pill of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a gift and therefore, purple pills can only be given out to others. It is given to cure a wound of someone else but it doesn't always cure your own ills especially if you have taken a lot of red pills in your life. Imagine a situation where someone has wronged you. They want forgiveness, you want to give it, so you reach into your pocket and hand them a purple pill. They understand the reality of the situation but are soothed by the illusion that everything is better. That works for them, but what of you? Saying you are not hurt would be taking the blue pill, enraging from the hurt would be taking the red pill.

The fact is that there are no pills to cure the reality of hurt and pain. It is the human condition to measure our life by the amount of pain we endure. The destructive nature of my chosen medicine has consumed me. Though i hand out purple pills like candy to children, I am not cured of my reality. I have only the promise that my pain will subside and the measure of my life will be weighed greater. I struggle each day to face the plain and simple fact that I can forgive without healing my wounds. This is not martyrdom it is masochism: pleasure in being abused or dominated : a taste for suffering.

I can't say this fully, because i fail to see the pleasure. I do, however, keep handing out purple pills for every occasion. I will keep these precious jewels on hand for the next time I am wronged, and I will be sure to neglect my personal healing. I am forced to do this often, because many times the healing process conflicts with the illusional description of true forgiveness. "I am angry" doesn't reflect " I forgive you". Suffice it to say, each time I hand out a purple pill, my heart dies a little and these days the once vibrant joyful heart i had is beginning to look like a broken shard of obsidian.

Do not cry for me. Do not fear the death of a mans soul. Do not concern yourself with a dark heart which once was whole, for there is a cure. The cure is in your left pocket. Just remember one thing, my friends. The cure is a purple pill...

....and purple pills can only be given to others.

Into the subconscious world of virtual reality

For 8 years I was kept in the dark. I was fueling the machine which takes away the human spirit. Locked in this world I willing accepted my sentence to a forsaken life. I am speaking of the world of Online Gaming. As other infamous virtual worlds are famous for, this one drained my soul until I took the red pill. Everything around me died in the world of the real.

As the illusion of my virtual life unfolded, I found it strangely familiar to the real world. I found comfort from my success in my prison. I would strive for things parallel to reality; more currency, a better mode of transport, an upgraded style of living and more affluent status. It was not until the hand of the real world grasped my throat and shoved a red pill in my mouth, that I was truly free.

I am still on my journey in the world of the real. My understanding of life over the last 8 years is a blurred vision of pure confusion. Did these things happen in my prison of virtual reality or the real world? I am unclear at times. What I know about my transition may help those of you who are yet to receive any pills at all.

I traded my status as a virtual lord to become a forgotten peasant. I traded vast wealth to be as poor as the soil in a desert. I traded my army of followers only to rely on the kindness of strangers. At the end of my transition I found myself unknown to everyone around me, poor and alone. I am in an unfamiliar world that has found itself a path around me, and I am FREE!

Free to explore new things like "air" and "sunlight" I discovered that the noise I Miss-took for thunder in my virtual prison was actually the sound of children. Other discoveries were soon to follow. Did you know if you have a woman in your home, there is a good chance you are married? If you are an online gamer, I encourage you to take the red pill voluntarily. The hand that forces it can be less forgiving than yourself.

What is the hand? The hand is divorce, neglected children, friends who are distant and even distance from the maker himself. The hand is what you value as a human. It comes for you and picks you up to show you the red pills. If you do not take them you may be stuck in your prison forever.

2 Red Pills

I knew I should have taken the blue pill, but I took the red one. Now reality has me completely screwed. I offer you a taste of reality. Take your red pill and have one of mine. Sit back, and be thankful for your little blue pills. This is only a glimpse of what happens when you take the wrong elevator, answer the wrong call, and click the wrong link. Its all coming for you. You are not safe there in your chair. Do not be scared, this will only hurt a little.

Reverse Engineering Your Life

It's time for your medicine. Take 2 red pills and relax. Please have at least 1 hour to begin this process. You are at a crossroads in your life and you want to figure out how you arrived at this very spot. Reverse Engineer your life to figure out why and how you are here. Let me hold your hand and show you what I mean.

I remember getting divorced from a person we will call "Zorana, the Destroyer of Worlds". Not really, we will call her Lady-X. This was, of course, a difficult time for me. I wanted an answer to the question: "How did I get here?" I took my 2 red pills and let the process begin. Clearly there were problems. Why did i choose this person in the first place? How did the universe decide that this was my destiny? The answers came to me like an Ozzy record playing backwards.

One day I was at work at a retail location. It was closing time and I was anxious to leave the store. My normal routine was to do paperwork, set the alarm, lock the door and drive home. This day was different. I did my paperwork, locked the store and went to my car. Upon entering the vehicle the 2 red pills began to seep into my cortex. Eyes wide open, I was inclined to remember that I did not set the alarm. Those of you who took the blue pill would continue to drive on but the crimson poison flowing through my veins would not allow it. As if under control by the universe itself, I returned to the store and entered in the code that would secure the location. Feeling the universe closing in on me i rushed to the door to be complete my task. The 2 red pills had other plans.

As I reached for the door I smelt freedom. Before I could grab the handle a shock-blast of ringing came to my attention. As if it were a homing beacon of misery I was drawn to it. Never before had I wished to take the blue pill so much. The lucky ones who had, would have walked out the door, unrestrained. I answered this call on the way to freedom. It was not my choice, I would have just left... but those damn red pills.. no! "Retail location X, can I assist you?"

Answering that call was the plan all along. A sinister voice spoke,"Do you have product X in stock?" The demon must have known that product X was right in front of me. "Yes, we do". The demon only had to finish me off, my friends. "Can I come by to pick it up?" Having lost all sense of myself and under complete control of the 2 red pills coursing through my veins I responded. " I will wait for you to arrive"

That was Lady-X's parental units. That is how you reverse engineer your life. I forgot to set an alarm before leaving work and the universe made me pay. I do not want to influence your life, I want only to show you the truth. The truth is you are not in control of your world. 2 red pills are.